On January 22, 2012, we had our annual “goals group” with Molly. In preparation for this day, we are asked to prepare:
Something to place on the altar as a Witness of your Work and Intentions.
A simple statement or prayer for the day to speak as you place your sacred totem (Witness) on the alter.
Take some time to review the Goal Categories and last year (2011)’s “Year in Review” and choose one area upon which to focus for the day. Write out a Goal you wish to attain or a Change you wish to make. Be as clear about what it is you wish to achieve in this area as you can be. If there is more than one area you wish to make changes in, feel free to write out as many goals as you have. We will pick only one to work on for the day – I suggest you pick the one you most want to have an affect on and might find the most challenging to achieve. Write a statement about why this Goal is important for you to achieve.
A delicious “something” to share for Lunch.
Images of yourself, magazine or other images that speak to your 2012 intentions to be used on an art piece.
A journal or notebook.
Here is my Witness and my Statement:
This is a picture of my maternal grandmother, Cathyrn Adams, taken sometime in the 1920’s. She was a beautiful woman; brilliant, creative, talented.
She ended up burying all of that underneath a strict, oppressive Religion and, throughout my life, my perception of her was mostly of an authoritative, disapproving person – and I was slightly afraid of her.
Two generations later, my sister and I have both journeyed separately in our lives, trying to learn how to come to terms with the Religious mess that we grew up with and find answers that ring true – and we each found the same answers.
My grandmother died more than two decades ago, but now I can look at her from a different viewpoint. I can see the real legacy she has passed down – to my beautiful mother, to my sister and to me. A legacy of beauty and grace, of curiosity and intelligence, of creative expression – and those are the qualities I want in my life. When I look at this lovely woman who is and was my grandmother, I am inspired to live up to my potential and not bury it beneath things that do not matter. I want to live my life with beauty and grace, in my surroundings and my life, to live with intelligence and curiosity, to express myself and leave that kind of legacy to all who come after me.
And this is what I chose this year to be my Witness.
– My heart’s Desire has always been to earn income using my creative gifts: Primarily, writing and illustration/art.
– I have never been able to completely believe that I can have my “heart’s desire” without having to live in poverty; that it is not necessary to throw away my dream and be miserable in order to have financial solvency. I need to believe I can have BOTH.
– There is that Fine Line between Quality of Life – living life by my own lights, according to my heart and soul, versus having enough money to live without fear. And I seem to be walking that line very precariously these days.
The BIG PICTURE:
#1 – Money – I do not want to always be battling poverty and financial humiliation and distress. I want to change that once and for all – BUT while still living how I choose to live and pursuing my dreams and goals. THERE HAS TO BE A WAY.
#2 – I need help getting my creative work out to the world. Perhaps this will help me with #1. Something has always tied these two things together for me: Money vs. Creativity. I NEED HELP WITH THIS.
SPECIFIC/PRIMARY GOAL(S) IN A NUTSHELL:
To put my House and Finances in Order so that I have the right environment in which to work and live and create; and to get Help with earning Money from my Creative Projects, and in continuing to Create.
This includes identifying and setting concrete, specific Steps or Tasks and scheduling them; making my Schedule work; keeping myself on Track and directed towards what I need to do and making it happen.
WHAT: To put my HOUSE in ORDER so that I have the right environment to LIVE and WORK and CREATE.
WHY? I need to CLEAR out to make room for the NEW.
Deeper Reasons? To allow myself to COME BACK TO MYSELF and be who I am; I need to Start Fresh – throw off the baggage, the shackles – and be FREE. I am too Buried and “Clogged.”
Do I believe this is attainable – and why?
YES. But it will take WORK. And it is up to me to make it happen. I am capable, I am strong enough, but I still need help and guidance. Maybe this is also about learning how to ask for, and receive, HELP.
… that I am afraid – but of WHAT? My inability to DO what I envision? Why? Because I get STUCK, immobile, unable to make myself DO IT. I do not know why; ADHD? (This hurts.)
And now we create “Soul Cards,” to express our Desire as having already been Achieved:
Next, we split into groups of two, and took turns telling the other, who wrote what we said in our journal, the answers to questions about our GOAL and our Beliefs. Here is what my partner wrote in my journal, reflecting what I said to her:
“Linda’s beliefs about her intention to put house/life in order so life and creativity can flow:
Belief that I need to clear out stuff –
- To Find Self
- “I can’t BREATHE”
- To get rid of dysfunction
- I need to create space for my Authentic Self
- Junk/baggage – all mixed in with my mother’s stuff
- It is holding me back/overwhelming me.
Belief the clutter has caused financial problems – office is too cluttered, don’t want to go in there and work.
Belief that “stuff” is immobilizing me.
Belief – that my idea of a favorite space is one that is organized. (And I keep my favorite areas – like where I do ART – neat and organized now.)
FEAR that ADHD will get in the way.
“Linda believes intention is achievable because she can visualize it. She has fears that it will be overwhelming and she may need help to achieve it.”
- Do these beliefs LIMIT or SUPPORT me in my goal?
- What are the Obstacles or Stoppers to attaining this goal this year? (BE RUTHLESS)
- HOW have I stopped myself in the past? How do I see this stopping me now and in the past; every possible tripwire.
- WHO might not like me to achieve it, or prevent me from achieving it?
- WHAT has stopped me in the past?
- If I really want abundance, how am I stopping myself?
Soul Collage showing the STOPPERS:
- In the past, I was too busy, always going to fast to pay attention to increasing clutter and chaos.
- But I did NOT used to live this way!
- It happened with my mother living with me – then dying. I had/have no experience dealing with that. I felt bereft and alone.
- It has dragged me down and become a very heavy burden, filled with self-recriminations. I have a hard time understanding how I’ve ended up this way; my self-punishment has contributed to my burdens.
My FEAR? What will stop me?
- STATUS QUO – as ugly as that is, accepting compromise, “making do.” I CANNOT allow this, or it will kill me! (I DO create now – but in a very limited fashion. I want Expansion.)
- FEAR – not being able to motivate, to DO – WITHOUT HELP. I need a “body double,” my sister is willing (when she can); I need FAITH.
- What can stop me? It depends on my sister; my need for a “body double” – this situation feels too “intimate” for just anyone to help (my mother’s things).
What strengths, qualities, and “Allies” do I have that I will use to combat the obstacles I identified today, and how will I utilize these (3 or 4)? An Action Plan using Strengths, etc. – like a WARRIOR. A Plan is ARMOUR.
Strengths, Qualities and Allies:
1. Strength – I am/have always been Persistent, even Stubborn about doing something that I really want. I can use this Quality to never give up. How? A support group; enlist others.
2. Ally – My sister will not let me down if I am honest and confide in her about what I really need. How? I can trust my sister. She will always help if I ask for it.
MY SISTER IS SPONSORING ME – A GIFT TO HER
[Note: I am not sure I understood this.]
3. Others – Group? CHADD? a new roommate, as incentive?
- 1. How would obtaining this Goal affect my life? Make it better.
- 2. How do I feel about those changes? Wonderful.
- 3. Go deeper – any negative aspects to this change? I would have to WORK HARD; no Immediate results.
- 4. Who might not like me being different in this way? Nobody I can think of.
- 5. Am I willing to deal with that? Yes—HOW? No—How will I avoid it? N/A
- 6. What would I have to give up in order to maintain this change? Laziness – being a Victim.
- 7. How do I feel about that? I am Ready and Willing.
- 8. What is uncomfortable for me in imagining being successful in manifesting this change? Going on from there…
- 9. Yes or No – Am I willing to succeed? YES. (But I will have to work hard and stay Clear and Committed.)
What have I learned?
I also need a PLAN.
- Commitment to change
- A plan
- A WHOLE process
- To keep focused and to feel positive
- To believe I will succeed
- To take charge and be intentional about every part of my life.
And this brings Goals Group to a close. As always, I leave with lots to think about. And it’s time to look at my Goals for 2012.