(re the “Pause”)
Well, well – and where am I now? I think that I am going through so many changes so much these days, it’s like I figure out who I am and what I’m all about – and next I know, it all changes.
Is it just being 50? Am I having to redesign myself as a middle-aged person? And if so, I don’t feel like I really know who that is.
I think my main complaint is that I don’t feel at all like I expect to feel. Where is my energy? Where is my brain? I feel like a pile of mush. I’m tired, scatter-brained, irritable. I Don’t want to talk to people, or rather I don’t want any impositions or complications, any expectations put on me. To put it simply, I don’t want to be bothered, or to have to DO anything. I don’t feel particularly depressed, just… BLEH. So what do I need and/or want?
I think that I’d like to feel alive again.
Not that I am wanting anxiety, worry or fear – but I keep thinking about last summer and it seems to me that I just felt better, more vibrant, alive. So what changed?
– Hormones/sleep issues; yeah, perhaps that is all it is.
– weight gain/inactivity – but where is my energy? Is it gone for good? I do not like it. I feel like if this is what it is to get old, I do not like it or want it! Please tell me it is only temporary!
Ah the joys of menopause…