6/15/2011

(re the “Pause”)

Well, well – and where am I now?  I think that I am going through so many changes so much these days, it’s like I figure out who I am and what I’m all about – and next I know, it all changes.

Is it just being 50?  Am I having to redesign myself as a middle-aged person?  And if so, I don’t feel like I really know who that is.

I think my main complaint is that I don’t feel at all like I expect to feel.  Where is my energy?  Where is my brain?  I feel like a pile of mush.  I’m tired, scatter-brained, irritable.  I Don’t want to talk to people, or rather I don’t want any impositions or complications, any expectations put on me.  To put it simply, I don’t want to be bothered, or to have to DO anything.  I don’t feel particularly depressed, just…  BLEHSo what do I need and/or want?

I think that I’d like to feel alive again.

Not that I am wanting anxiety, worry or fear – but I keep thinking about last summer and it seems to me that I just felt better, more vibrant, aliveSo what changed?

– Hormones/sleep issues; yeah, perhaps that is all it is.

– weight gain/inactivity – but where is my energy?  Is it gone for good?  I do not like it.  I feel like if this is what it is to get old, I do not like it or want it!  Please tell me it is only temporary!

Ah the joys of menopause…

 

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