“Lethargy”

LETHARGY

What to do when the Lethargy slithers in…
My body’s stuck in mud and gloom
(Or have I perhaps just left my body?)
  
But where is my head?  It’s foggy here.
Depression lurks nearby. 
And I cannot move out of its way.
 
A victim to my moods –
It’s a vicious cycle that hangs around even still,
After all these years.
 
Once encumbered, there’s no escape.
One just goes on…
Into another day.
 
I don’t eat, can’t work – nothing feels attractive.
It’s self-perpetuating bullshit;
A simple wasted day.
 
Disconnected, staring into space.
But there’re no answers there. 
The clock just keeps on moving.
 
Am I even here? 
Somewhere, someplace, I have a life.
Where did I misplace it? 
 
Sliding into an alternative space
Where nothing makes much sense. 
My senses have gone dim. 
 
Vague thoughts flutter by;
A sense of disquiet nudges me: 
Do I see panic on the edges?
 
But, I’ve long experience at avoiding it. 
This place is too familiar. 
Comfortably numb. 
 
And it will pass me by and by;
There is always another day. 
It’s the WEEKS that scare me;
 
WHERE DO THEY GO?
 
I’m out of sync.  I can’t grab on.
The clock moves fast and I just watch it. 
I am going too slow for time to have an impact
 
Until Time is suddenly gone.
 
I go too fast, I go too slow.  Where is the middle?
So hard to stay there for very long.
Roadblocks knock me off center…
 
And then the lethargy comes.
It’s vicious. It’s powerful.
It steals me away
 
Until I’m too tired to fight it.
I succumb.
And it leaves its dirty mark on my psyche.
 
It’s just boring and boredom hasn’t killed me yet.
Although it always feels deadly.
And it produces lethargy: My Nemesis.
 
Since I cannot fight it this time,
I simply accommodate.
Maybe I can kill it with kindness.
 
Welcome it, court it, entertain it
Until it self-destructs.
Do I feel it weakening, edging away?
 
What is lethargy’s nemesis? 
Ah, I know.
It is ACTION.
 
And that’s where my weapons fall down.
I have no action plan to throw in place.
Lethargy grabbed on too quickly.
 
It happens. 
And now I go …
B L A N K . . . .
 
It happens. 
 
 
  © L. E. Book 2010
This entry was posted in 2010, Onward & Upward, Ruminations and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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