The Ides of April (part 2)

…So my son won’t go to school. As I last reported back in February, he was starting in this Independent Study program through Valley Oak School. The problem now is that he doesn’t want to have to go there and meet with teachers and other students 2 or 3 times a week. So he has stopped doing the work – which is still only the initial packet which helps them know how to place him – because he has no intention of going there to turn it in!  He hasn’t even given it a fair chance yet to find out what it is really like and I am trying everything I know to try and convince him to give it a chance.

I decided that maybe he needs a whole new viewpoint; maybe there are some things I can do.  I spent a lot of time thinking about all of this – trying to see through his eyes.

I made up a spreadsheet entitled: Ways to Help Dalton Live a Balanced, Happy & Successful Life: 

  1. Outdoor physical activity/exercise
  2. A sufficient sleep schedule
  3. A good morning routine (better eating)
  4. A routine/schedule for doing schoolwork & other tasks
  5. A reward system for doing good work
  6. Music (or similar) lessons/practice
  7. Journaling/creating/exploring interests
  8. Multiple interests/entertainment activities
  9. Regular social activities w/friends
  10. Something to look forward to every day
  11. Weekly chores
  12. A measurable sense of accomplishment/success
  13. Weekly therapy visits to help cope with emotions, etc.
  14. Shared family mealtimes/activities (with mom)
  15. Planned entertainments/outings/activities
  16. A mentor (male)
  17. Autonomy & independence, with help
  18. An orderly environment and routine

The first thing I decide to do is see if I can find a new desk for his room, perhaps a new (bigger) bed.  I lucked out looking on Craig’s List.  I found both and both extremely affordable, as well as being right here in Petaluma.  I grabbed them up. 

This was before my sister left town – and I was already feeling pain.  The two of us tried to move the desk, but had difficulties.  We had to have help and then it sat in our garage for a week until I could get my brother over here to help move it.  My sister was frustrated and I was in pain.  My brother was a gem though and not only moved the desk into Dalton’s room, but moved his old one out, and brought the new bed over.  I then spent a few days working with Dalton to rearrange his furniture, including that of putting my big old 32″ TV into his entertainment unit.  I was giving my poor body all kinds of challenges and ignoring the pain as much as possible.  Not always the wisest thing to do…

So this was all in early March.  I created a sample schedule for him, I tried to appeal to him on every level I could about how it could be and how it would feel to do this stuff and so enrich his life.  I researched about teenage depression, I contacted my therapist, I essentially set about systematically creating my painful SHOULDER BOULDERS. 

Finally, about the time my sister left for San Diego, my son tells me this:

He does not want to do this Independent Study thing where he has to meet with people all the time.  He wants to be truly home-schooled and not have to go anywhere or meet with anyone.

I think about it.  I start to research and investigate possibilities.  Homeschooling – there is a ton of stuff out there.  How does one find something that is just the right thing?  This takes much time and attention. But I sure would like to have Dalton back in business and in school by the time my sister comes back. You see – I worry about her criticism and disapproval – even if it’s all in my own head. 

What I eventually found and followed up on was K12 CALIFORNIA; and more specifically with ACADEMY OF ARTS AND SCIENCES, which is part of the K12 network and handles students from Sonoma County, among others.  And I did manage to get him enrolled by the time my sister came home.  🙂

Unfortunately (again), I can’t seem to get him motivated to even look at this stuff. It is getting so close to the end of the school year that he doesn’t like the idea of having to even think about school when everyone else is having a summer break. But I am still trying:

Dearest Dalton,
First of all, I have forwarded to you the attached email and 2 or 3 other emails that have info about the online school courses you are now scheduled to take – one is Math and one is English; there are links in the emails that you need to click on, per the instructions.
I want to tell you how this all works and I want you to think about it. You will be working through at least part of the summer to get caught up. But don’t get upset, just keep reading: You will be taking two courses over 8 weeks, that’s how long each course segment lasts. You need to start with these now but will be done with these by June 16th. This will put you at 1/3 the way through with the 8th Grade.
My idea is that after you complete the first 8 weeks of courses, let’s say you earn a vacation and can take a couple weeks off. Then for the next 2 classes over the next 8 weeks, you would be then 2/3 done with 8th Grade by the end of August. Then we could take another vacation. And the good thing about this is that we can plan our vacations during times when everyone else is in school so things aren’t as crowded (like Disneyland perhaps). Then you could do the final two classes/8 weeks and be done with the 8th Grade by December. And take another 2 or 3-week break.
If you then started the 9th grade coursework the beginning of January, you could have a break in March, start back and do another 8 weeks, and then you could then be done with 9th Grade by July and be caught up with your former classmates and able to enter the 10th Grade in the Fall.
OR – you could keep going and end up passing your classmates – you could actually graduate from High School a year before your friends do. It is all up to you! But the way I see it, you would probably like better the idea of going to school for 2 months and then having a 2-week vacation – every two months.
And all that is required is that you work for at least two hours, 5 days a week. Or you could work for 4 hours, 2 days a week, and 2 hours one more day – you need to do at least 10 hours a week. That should be really easy for you to do.   Just two hours a day!
Just think about it, Dalton. If you work only two hours a day, you would still have plenty of free time. And you would be earning: 1) your school requirements, and 2) vacations and other incentives (like money).
You will also benefit by the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction you will feel by seeing yourself progressing forward and doing well. You will gain self-esteem and self-confidence. You will start seeing doors of opportunity opening and gain insights and hope about your future. You will grow as a person and feel 100% better and even if you don’t believe me, I know what I am talking about, please trust me.
This will be easy for you Dalton, and it may even be pleasurable in some ways. It will broaden your outlook on a day-to-day basis and you will just feel much, much better. And I will be rewarding you for your efforts in addition to the school credits and vacation “credits” you will be earning. This is a way you can earn money, absolutely! And we can take time off and go on vacations, this is all very flexible. And I will be helping you and here for you at all times.
You can do this, Dalton – we can do it. I believe in you and want nothing more than for you to be happy and successful in all you do.
I love you!
MOM

Am I insane? Why do I believe I need to bend over backwards and do flips and magic tricks to try and convince my son to do what he needs to do???  All so I can relax and quit causing myself so much stress that it is killing my body!!!

Well the answer to this and other ridiculous, unanswerable questions, may or may not be contained in my next post:  The Ides of April (part 3).  🙂

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