3/16/09 – a note I sent to a friend/fellow Group member; at this time, we were beginning to work on the “Integrity Tone Scale.” Working with this program can bring up some difficult thoughts and feelings.
“You have my sympathies, I know how it is to be depressed and low on money and self-esteem; trust me, I’ve been there plenty of times. I’d like to help if I can – I can offer you what I do in such times, whether it will help you or not and you can take it or leave it.
But here’s my “words of wisdom” –
First, take care of your body. Eat well, rest well, get plenty of fresh air and exercise. What you do for your body affects your mind. Taking care of your physical self nourishes your soul.
Next, I would take some time, in solitude, some place where you feel comfortable – maybe with some music on that you like – whatever helps you feel relaxed and at ease, and do some writing. First, make a list of all the things you like to do, that give you joy, whatever it might be. Just be free with it, open-minded and honest. The sky is the limit, put no limitations on it. Don’t think about it too much, just jot it all down. Keep the list, read it over, add to it, mull it over. Think of possibilities.
Then, make another list. Take all the different aspects/areas of your life and in each case visualize how you would like things to be. Again, just be open-minded and totally honest with yourself. Nobody but you is going to see this. Just sit and visualize possibilities, be aware of what makes you happy and what doesn’t feel right. Don’t make judgments about anything in terms of whether you think you can do something or whether it seems possible or not.
I know that I get depressed when I feel stuck and don’t know what direction to go in. Or sometimes I might think I want to do something but am somehow unable to do it. And that causes depression. But sometimes I think the reason we can’t bring ourselves to do what we set out to do is because perhaps it isn’t really what we want. Maybe there is some aspect of it that you want, but perhaps you need to change the way you look at it. There is always a reason behind our motivation to do or not do something. It’s just often hard to determine what that is.
Like Molly has said in Group, ask yourself questions until you get to the bottom of what is “TRUE.” Pay attention to your feelings. Your “gut instinct” will tell you what is True. What is True should feel good. Only when you figure out what you truly want – what you truly want to do – will you be able to take action. But you can’t worry about what action to take until you figure that out. Until you DECIDE what your intention really is. Then, I believe, things just start falling into place.
I struggle with this stuff too. And I’m not claiming to be an expert or have all the answers. But I find that doing these things helps gain some clarity. Tell yourself that whatever it is you want is OK. Be honest. Be OK with yourself. YOU are all you have, ultimately, so be kind to yourself.
I know things can be very hard. I honestly and truly sympathize. But I believe everyone deserves joy and that it is available if we let ourselves find it.
Peace. Feel better. You are not alone.”
And I need to remind myself of the things I have written here.